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Odin's Court: Redriven by fate
24/08/10 || InquisitorGeneralis
Odin’s Court are so goddamn awful they could make the dude from Bathory rise from the grave and convert to Christianity. They could make Amon Amarth change their lyrical themes and content from Viking battle lore to ladies jewelry and handbags (“Purses for the World”? “Once Sent from the Golden Retail Store”?). Odin’s Court could turn Marduk into a polka band. That is the level of wankery these five bozos dish out in the name of the All-Father. It pains me to further divulge that Odin’s Court hail from my home state of Maryland here in the US of Fucken A. What can I say? We have given the world Clutch, Dying Fetus, and Misery Index so a stinking turd like this was bound to come down the pipe eventually. Even the Kennedy family pumped out a retard or two. It happens, such is life. In that same spirit I bring you Odin’s Court, a progressive metal band that reaches levels of douchbaggery known only to Skull and Bones, Fabio, and Mike Poggione.
Ok, if you have never been to our wonderful forums you should head on over there and check our thread for Douchiest Band Photos and see some of the lumpiest losers in the metal game. Well, let’s have us a look at Odin’s Court, who absolutely need to be included in that discussion!
Holy Shit! Odin’s Court is a supergroup consisting of Screech from
Saved by the Bell, Jake Gellenhall from Jarhead, Mike Åkerfeldt’s
retarded brother, Dio’s corpse, and Hootie from Hootie and the Blowfish!
I kid, I kid. I am being a bit mean but if “Redriven By Fate” didn’t suck so much goddamn dick I would be more convivial with Odin’s Cock. I ain’t hatin’ because this is pretto proggo wankery deluxe. I have openly come out of the closet, admitted to liking, and positively reviewed both Dream Theatre and Rush. However, I have my limits and Odin’s Court is wwwwaaaaayyyy beyond them. These guys want to be Dream Theatre soo bad it hurts. I envision them capturing Mike Portnoy and James LaBrie, skinning them, and wearing their flayed flesh a la Buffalo Bill in silence of the lambs… complete with the whole tucked-in dick maneuver! This really is the type of progressive metal that trve grim cvlters love to hate. In this case, I side with the black legions in wishing this shit to be banished to the forest ov aeternal damnation… or whichever one is patrolled by Kampfar.
“Redriven in the anus” is actually a rerecording of the band’s first album “Driven by Fate”. See what they did there? To really make this wonderful Odin’s Court tack on some acoustic versions at the end. Perfect. Problem is that “Driven by Fate” sucks. I would compare this to eating a three-pound chipotle burrito, shitting it out, and then eating the shit hoping it will taste better the second time around. I am not going into a song by song analysis here, “Redriven by Farts” does not deserve it. It is one thing to be talented and Odin’s Court certainly are. But talent, like your car keys, can be misplaced. If you like extremely progressive, symphonic, and pretentious metal with no solid direction and/or songwriting this is right up your alley. For the rest of us with balls and taste, there is always blackened death-grind. Or Yngwie. Or anything else besides Odin’s fucking Court.
Bleh, “Redriven by Fate” sucks teh nuts. The fact that these wankers have noticeable musical talent earns them a deuce… which coincidently is what this albums makes me want to drop after listening to it for fifteen seconds. Did you notice the cover yet? Oh noes, there is a butterfly on the train tracks! Or is it a Raven? That would make more sense. Someone spear these fuckers please!
- Information
- Released: 2006
- Label: Self-released
- Website: Odin’s Court Myspace
- Band
- Matt “Petrucci Fan #1” Brookins: guitar, lead vocals
- Rick “Receding Hairline” Pierpont: lead guitar, backing vocals
- Craig “Tito” Jackson: bass
- John “Port” Abella: drums
- Savino “The Guido” Palumbo: keyboards
- Tracklist (Oh you better believe these songs titles are getting the treatment!)
- 01. Discretion Rising (along with other things in my Jordache’s)
- 02. D(ick)2C(cock rubbing)
- 03. Shadow Dust (is only better than Pixie dust)
- 04. Surreal Contemplations (about getting doubleteamed by Hall and Oates)
- 05. Utopian Rust (makes me bust)
- 06. Homecoming (is the dance I tried to bring a dude to)
- 07. His Dark Materials (need to be in my mouth ASAP)
- 08. Paradise Lost: Chapter One
- 09. Chapter Three (what happened to Chapter Two???)
- 10. Utopian Rust (collects on unloved mancock)
- 11. The Calling (for more bromance)
- 12. Dystopian Bliss (can be found with a dude)
- 13. Thirteen (is the age I like em!)
- 14. Paradise Lost: Chapter One (we have to read this again?)
- 15. Chapter Four (Is just as bad as the first three)
- 16. To Live A Dream (would be awfully messy for me)
